Failing Sleep Training

Toward the end of March (right before Gerrit turned 5 months), I decided that I was sick of our sleeping arrangement. I hated how our evenings were going, and I was really getting scared that Gerrit was going to sleep in bed with us for the rest of his life (just kidding… a little). So I started tracking his sleep patterns with the plan to start sleep training after we moved into our new house.

While tracking Gerrit’s sleep, I discovered a few things. 1) His sleep “pattern” is all over the place. He really wasn’t all that consistent with times. 2) He wakes up and needs to nurse back to sleep at least 5 times a night. Yikes. 3) This kid hates to nap. Here’s one day as an example:

7:45 AM – wake up
8:50-9:35 – first nap
11:00-11:45 – second nap
1:15-2:00 – third nap
3:45-5:00 – fourth nap
8:15 – bedtime
10:15 – wake to eat
11:35 – wake to eat
2:15 – wake to eat
2:45 – wake to eat
3:00 – came to bed with me (2 more feedings in there)
7:30 AM – wake up

I did the math, and he was napping about 3.5 hours a day and sleeping about 10 hours at night (if you subtract all the time he was awake). Honestly, he was doing pretty well in terms of daytime sleep hours. But all those night wakings? It was rough.

So after tracking his sleep for a little over a week, I decided that we were going to start sleep training on the 1st of April.  A new month, and a fresh start with sleep! We were also in our new house, so we decided to put Gerrit in his own bedroom too. My plan was pretty much the pick-up-put-down method. First, I tried to put him down to sleep drowsy but awake with the goal of him putting himself to sleep. And if he woke up, I would go in and pat him to soothe him. If he got upset, I’d pick him up, calm him down, then put him back down and go back to patting him. I would keep doing this until he fell asleep. I was only tackling nighttime sleep to start with, because I was afraid taking on naps too would be too overwhelming for both of us.

Night #1 was a little rough, but I was determined to see it through. I put him down to sleep at 7:20 PM and he woke up after only 15 minutes. Ugh. Thankfully, he went back to sleep fairly quickly and slept for an hour and a half. Then it took nearly an hour to get him back to sleep. That was tiring. But the next night it took a little less than half an hour to get him back to sleep after that first waking. I was feeling hopeful! But then night #3 it took him nearly two hours to fall back to sleep after that first waking. I was in tears; it was so hard not to just pick him up and nurse him. I knew he was frustrated with me not picking him up, and I was getting more tense the longer it took for him to settle. This lasted about 5 days.

And that’s when I failed sleep training. I went right back to picking him up right away when he cried and nursing him back to sleep. Maybe I just don’t have a backbone when it comes to listening to Gerrit cry and fuss, but I just couldn’t handle it. My goal with my brief attempt at sleep training was to keep Gerrit in his bed until 3 AM before bringing him to bed with me. I think that happened a few nights, but that was it.

But then something happened. Halfway through the month, Gerrit put himself to sleep for the first time since early March! And it was for a nap! I was beyond shocked!

That night he put himself to sleep 3 times! It took him awhile (30 minutes max), but he was doing it on his own. I was so excited!

Since then, he has put himself to sleep a few times each day. Normally, he will making noises and move around in his crib as his pre-sleep routine. Sometimes he gets pretty loud! Not crying, just making crazy noises. But I never push it; as soon as he starts sounding upset, I go in and offer the boob. If he falls asleep nursing, that’s fine. He has gotten to the point that if he wakes up when I set him down after nursing, he will usually put himself back to sleep quickly. When he doesn’t (usually between 3-5 in the morning), that’s when I take him to bed with me for his last few hours of sleep. 

Two days after he put himself to sleep for that nap, he beat his “record” for sleep. I had thought it was so crazy that he would never sleep more than 2.75 hours at a time. Yes, I tracked his sleep for the whole month of April and figured out exactly how long he was sleeping at a time. Those who know me well know that I am crazy enough to do this. 🙂 So 2.75 hours was his record since he was about 3 months old. Well, then he did 3.5 hours one night! I was ecstatic! Sure, 3.5 hours seems pretty short, but it was a huge improvement to me. About a week later he made it 4.25 hours in one stretch of sleep. Progress!

So here I am, typing this up the night before he turns 6 months old. Gerrit is currently taking his morning nap with me, and I encourage him to put himself to sleep for his other 2-3 naps. If he doesn’t, no big deal. But he does take those other naps in his own bed. At night, he sometimes puts himself to sleep and sometimes he falls asleep nursing. He is getting much better at going right back to sleep after nighttime feedings, and he will sometimes put himself back to sleep all on his own. He still wake up 3-4 times a night and usually nurses back to sleep for those. Gerrit usually comes to bed with me between 3 and 5 in the morning, although lately it’s much closer to 5 AM.

Yes, we failed at sleep training. But we’ve also made so much progress this month! I don’t know if it was just Gerrit maturing or if some of my sleep training actually worked, but I can honestly say that his sleep has become much less stressful for me. I’m learning to go with the flow a bit more and let Gerrit have more opportunities to fall asleep on his own. Maybe down the road we will look at sleep training again, but I’m so glad we decided to quit this time!