I Am Not a Baby Person

Yep, it’s true. I really am not a baby person.

Yes, I think they’re cute. And I love buying itty bitty clothes for them. I’ll even hold them and try to coax out a smile. But as soon as they start to squirm and fuss, I get a little panicked and start looking for Baby’s mama. And you will not find me volunteering to change a diaper!

But wait. I have a baby. How can I not be a baby person?! Actually, having a baby was my biggest fear about having a baby. If I could have birthed a 1-year-old, I would have. When I worked at the childcare center on base, I loved working with the pre-toddlers (12-24 month old kids). I occasionally would cover in an infant room, and while I didn’t hate it, I definitely was out of my comfort zone. Especially when it came to handling those little 6-week-old babies. I didn’t feel comfortable giving bottles, burping, rocking them to sleep… So when someone asked me, “Are you ready to have that baby?” I would honestly say, “Nope! He or she can stay in there til the due date!”

So, of course, our baby chose to come 3 weeks early. When I realized that my water had broken, panic ran through me. Not because I was afraid to give birth (I mean, yeah, I was, of course), but because I did not feel ready to actually have a baby in my life! But I suppose I never would have felt ready.

Look at that little guy! I felt so unprepared to care for him. Especially when it came to feeding. I think a lot of women struggle with breastfeeding in the beginning, even more so when they have to deal with something like a poor latch or a sleepy preemie. But we just got through a day at a time, and I guess somewhere along the way, I started feeling a little more confident.

But just a couple of days ago, I felt something that I hadn’t felt before. I have loved Gerrit from the moment he entered our lives, but until the other day, I hadn’t felt that powerful love moms talk about. The love I would describe as “fierce.” I was just watching Gerrit sleep, and I felt this wave of emotion that was love, tenderness, protectiveness… just an overwhelming feeling that I had never felt before. Is it a “mom” feeling or do dads feel it too? I don’t know, but it was amazing.

Here’s my little guy now:

I cannot imagine a single day without him, and I love how he makes me feel. The cuddling and snuggles are wonderful, and I just love being this little guy’s mommy! Gerrit, you have turned me into a baby person after all.