Parenthood: The Reality

It’s true: Parenthood changes you.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a pretty black-and-white person. I like schedules and routines. I don’t like change. And I really don’t like unpredictability. So it really surprised me when I found myself becoming a mom who embraced aspects of attachment parenting, on-demand breastfeeding, and a baby-led schedule.

I used to think that attachment parenting was a bit much. And I don’t follow every part of the parenting philosophy, but I do agree with some key components of it. First of all, we tried to promote attachment immediately after birth. We did skin-to-skin for at least an hour after Gerrit was born. Breastfeeding was done skin-to-skin while we were in the hospital too. Secondly, I completely agree with responding immediately to my baby’s cries. Most experts agree that you shouldn’t let a newborn cry it out anyway, but I don’t plan to let Gerrit cry extensively past the newborn stage either. I feel pretty strongly that crying is a baby’s way of communicating, and it shouldn’t be ignored. Hearing Gerrit crying without being tended to breaks my heart. Third, we keep Gerrit near us when he’s sleeping. We don’t keep him in bed with us, but we do have him in a bassinet in our bedroom.

It was hard in the beginning: I woke up to EVERY little sound Gerrit made! But now I sleep through his little grunts and groans… but immediately wake up when he really starts to stir. Andrew wants to move Gerrit into his own room after our move (he’ll be  between 4-5 months then), so we’ll see if I can handle that! I also keep Gerrit in the living room when he naps during the day or I hold him while he naps. There are plenty of people who would tell me I’m spoiling him, but I have read so many things discussing the “4th trimester” that babies have and how much they need and thrive on human contact during that time. So I’m never far away from him!

I also breastfeed on demand. I’ve heard of other people putting their babies on feeding schedules, but it just doesn’t seem natural to me. I know… me… who LOVES schedules! I don’t know if I would have felt so strongly about feeding on demand had we not needed to push feedings in the early days, but it kind of instilled this need to feed.

I was having to wake Gerrit for feedings regularly, but it paid off! He was above his birth weight at his 2 week check-up and up over another 2 lbs at 1 month. I wasn’t worried about weight gain anymore! But then I feel like we moved into some serious growth spurts, and there was no way to follow a schedule. I did note when Gerrit eats and for how long, mostly to help me keep track of which breast to feed on. I was feeding off of one breast at a time to deal with my overproduction, but it seems like my supply may have finally (at 9 weeks) regulated. Gerrit still is completely satisfied off of one breast though. Breastfeeding on demand means Gerrit and I are essentially attached at the hip all day and night. I’m never away from him for more than 2 hours, and sometimes that ends up being too long for him! But breastfeeding on demand means Gerrit gets exactly how much milk that he needs and that he is regulating my supply.

I think the attachment parenting and breastfeeding on demand pretty much means that we are on a baby-led schedule! I don’t enforce a feeding schedule or a sleeping schedule. I wanted to see if Gerrit would develop his own schedule, and he pretty much has when he’s not in the middle of a growth spurt. I don’t see any reason to try to mess with what Gerrit’s body wants to do. It would probably be different if I had to go back to work or something, but being at home means my schedule can stay really flexible. That being said, I would like to try to get a loose schedule established once we get back to the States. By then, he will be 3 months old, and I’m curious to see how he will respond to a little more structure.

With all that being said, I question my decisions once in awhile. And I’m sure I’ll tweak my parenting approach once in awhile, especially if it seems like Gerrit needs a change. For right now, this is what is working for us!